Indiana vs Miami

No this isn't a note about sports, (Dolphins-Colts, or Heat-Pacers, or even Hurricanes-Hoosiers), no this is about a choice that I am going to have to make soon in regards to my daughter, Nevaeh. The situation right now is that her mother, Kim, and I are at odds over how we should try to raise our daughter. (Something I'm sure all parents have gone through.)

I feel that since I have a job here in Delaware at Dover Downs (3 years in June), a semi-permanent residence in Dover (just completed a 15-month lease on my apartment with no problems and just signed into a second 15-month term), and with my family all here, that she should move to Delaware (or the surrounding area) so we can raise our little girl, if not together, but at least in a situation where I will have the opportunity to be involved in her life. At the time we were discussing this, around late November, she seems to be a supporter of this plan.

However, she doesn't feel the same way now that she's with her current boyfriend. So she doesn't want to leave Michigan, also because all of her family is up there as well. So now that were in an impasse, the ball is in my court and I see myself having two choices, (well a third would be to ignore that she and my daughter even exists and we ALL know that that's NEVER going to happen), so I have two choices to make if I want to be actively involved in Vaeh's life. And that choice is between living in Indiana (possibly the Fort Wayne area) and living in Miami.

Now I know what you might be thinking, "Ok Phil, how can you ACTIVELY be in your daughter's life if you move FURTHER away from her." Well I'll tell you how. Since Kim and I aren't together, and odds are never will be again, she will no doubt take me to court seeking child support payments from me. Now I wouldn't be surprised by this move, however as Nevaeh's father I would be in a position to gain joint custody rights. If I lived in Miami, I would seek to have custody of her during the summer, non-school months (June 1st to September 1st). That way I spend three months with her, can take her to the beach everyday...take her to Disney World a few times, things like that. Plus I could use my experience here at Dover Downs to get a good paying job down in Miami. Since there were so many high-quality hotels there and in Miami Beach, that way I would be also be able to afford to live there and also pay the child support payments so I would know that she is well taken care of. The downside to this is that I would be away from her nine months out of the year, I would also not be able to be there as much as I would like to be (holidays, school functions, family dinners).

If I lived in Indiana, I would only be two hours away from where her mother lives so I could get to see her as much as I would like to, and also could be there for those events. I would seek joint custody to have her every other weekend, and being close to where her mom lives, Kim wouldn't have to worry about Nevaeh being so far away from her and for long periods of time. The problem is that I would have to start a new career field because there aren't any high quality hotels in northern Indiana. Its not a tourist destination. So my income would take a serious hit. The standard of living is lower there so I would still be able to afford a place to live and whatnot, however I wouldn't be able to pay as much in child support. I could still buy her things when she's with me though, so it could possibly balance out but I wouldn't be able to guarantee that happening. Not to mention that the job market isn't as good in the Midwest as in the Southeast. Not saying that the Southeast is all that great but it has the better potential of improvement in the near future in my opinion.

The fact is that I love my daughter more than anything in this world. I already missed out on the first two years of her life because I didn't take the inititive and I will not make that same mistake again. I'm definitely moving within the next two years so I can give her a better life and to have her in mine for the long haul. The question is only where...

Indiana or Miami?

What do you think?