Three weeks ago I got back in touch with my ex-girlfriend, I was with her for almost two years from 2007 to 2009. This was the first extended conversation I had had with her since we broken up last September (to this day I still couldn't tell you what I was thinking back then), it was through this first conversation where I learn about her plans to move in with me...ironically...the very weekend I decided to end things. We even talked about how it would be if we didn't break up and I asked her if she thought that we would have been married by now and she told me that we would seriously be talking about it. She even told me that she was going to tell her father about being with me (a black man), which would of been a big step for her. I was THIS CLOSE to having everything I wanted in a relationship, someone I could come home to every night, someone who would love me for who I was and would do anything for me.
But I ruined it over some bullshit. And now I'm struggling to pick up the pieces of what we once had and hoping for the best. But this is what I want, this is what I always wanted. Just to have her back in my life makes it all worthwhile. I'm going to marry this girl one day. She is the one for me.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Thursday, May 6, 2010
The Winds of Change
Well its been about four months since I made a post on here. Events in my life have taken a turn and not all of them have been for the better. I was able to go see my daughter in Michigan for a week back in March and I had a wonderful time with her and her mother. Sometimes the thought crosses my mind of what could of been. If I hadn't of left three years ago this month. I had made a substantial purchase before my trip using my tax refund, (Instead of doing the responsible thing and use it to pay off debts), and picked up a new/refurbished (well its new to me...because I didn't have it before) Canon VIXIA HG20 high-definition camcorder. Best $500 I have ever spent, and I'm glad I had it with me so I could take some video to show my family. Not to mention the fact that I have always been interested in video-editing as a hobby and a potential new revenue stream for my finances. This time around, compared to when I went up to Battle Creek with my cousin, Tyler, instead of flying again I decided to make it a road trip. I had also took the time to go visit my friend Cindy in Cincinnati, Ohio. A woman that I have known for years but this was the first time we had met face to face. I had a great time with her and her then-finace, now husband, Shawn. So all in all, the travel time on the road was about 18 hours each way.
The only major problem that I had ran into while I was up there was that Kim, Nevaeh and myself had gotten professional pictures taken in Kalamazoo. And the cost of those getting done was A LOT more that I expected. (about $120 more...especially for Wal-mart) So I took a big hit there. I'm still dealing with the fallout from that happening. As I'm trying to catch up on all of my bills and everything five weeks later. I not completely in dire straits but its been pretty rough for me. Now on top of that, I'm trying to save up to buy some plane tickets for my daughter and her mother so they can come down to Delaware to visit and meet both my immediate and extended family and friends. The date that we have our eyes set on is July 22, right in time for the start of "Fair Week" aka The Delaware State Fair (July 22-July 31). I'm really looking forward to it.
Another major event going on in my life is that I am currently single. I had broken up with my-ex, Krystal, shortly after I returned from Michigan. And had a short relationship with another woman that didn't work out either. I just feel like that there has been so much going on in my life that I needed a break from trying to make a relationship work on top of all that, and to try to let love find me instead of constantly looking for love. I've been in contact with a couple of women from my past for the last few weeks now and it all has been going pretty well but I'm not actively pursuing any relationships at this time.
The only major problem that I had ran into while I was up there was that Kim, Nevaeh and myself had gotten professional pictures taken in Kalamazoo. And the cost of those getting done was A LOT more that I expected. (about $120 more...especially for Wal-mart) So I took a big hit there. I'm still dealing with the fallout from that happening. As I'm trying to catch up on all of my bills and everything five weeks later. I not completely in dire straits but its been pretty rough for me. Now on top of that, I'm trying to save up to buy some plane tickets for my daughter and her mother so they can come down to Delaware to visit and meet both my immediate and extended family and friends. The date that we have our eyes set on is July 22, right in time for the start of "Fair Week" aka The Delaware State Fair (July 22-July 31). I'm really looking forward to it.
Another major event going on in my life is that I am currently single. I had broken up with my-ex, Krystal, shortly after I returned from Michigan. And had a short relationship with another woman that didn't work out either. I just feel like that there has been so much going on in my life that I needed a break from trying to make a relationship work on top of all that, and to try to let love find me instead of constantly looking for love. I've been in contact with a couple of women from my past for the last few weeks now and it all has been going pretty well but I'm not actively pursuing any relationships at this time.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Indiana vs Miami
No this isn't a note about sports, (Dolphins-Colts, or Heat-Pacers, or even Hurricanes-Hoosiers), no this is about a choice that I am going to have to make soon in regards to my daughter, Nevaeh. The situation right now is that her mother, Kim, and I are at odds over how we should try to raise our daughter. (Something I'm sure all parents have gone through.)
I feel that since I have a job here in Delaware at Dover Downs (3 years in June), a semi-permanent residence in Dover (just completed a 15-month lease on my apartment with no problems and just signed into a second 15-month term), and with my family all here, that she should move to Delaware (or the surrounding area) so we can raise our little girl, if not together, but at least in a situation where I will have the opportunity to be involved in her life. At the time we were discussing this, around late November, she seems to be a supporter of this plan.
However, she doesn't feel the same way now that she's with her current boyfriend. So she doesn't want to leave Michigan, also because all of her family is up there as well. So now that were in an impasse, the ball is in my court and I see myself having two choices, (well a third would be to ignore that she and my daughter even exists and we ALL know that that's NEVER going to happen), so I have two choices to make if I want to be actively involved in Vaeh's life. And that choice is between living in Indiana (possibly the Fort Wayne area) and living in Miami.
Now I know what you might be thinking, "Ok Phil, how can you ACTIVELY be in your daughter's life if you move FURTHER away from her." Well I'll tell you how. Since Kim and I aren't together, and odds are never will be again, she will no doubt take me to court seeking child support payments from me. Now I wouldn't be surprised by this move, however as Nevaeh's father I would be in a position to gain joint custody rights. If I lived in Miami, I would seek to have custody of her during the summer, non-school months (June 1st to September 1st). That way I spend three months with her, can take her to the beach everyday...take her to Disney World a few times, things like that. Plus I could use my experience here at Dover Downs to get a good paying job down in Miami. Since there were so many high-quality hotels there and in Miami Beach, that way I would be also be able to afford to live there and also pay the child support payments so I would know that she is well taken care of. The downside to this is that I would be away from her nine months out of the year, I would also not be able to be there as much as I would like to be (holidays, school functions, family dinners).
If I lived in Indiana, I would only be two hours away from where her mother lives so I could get to see her as much as I would like to, and also could be there for those events. I would seek joint custody to have her every other weekend, and being close to where her mom lives, Kim wouldn't have to worry about Nevaeh being so far away from her and for long periods of time. The problem is that I would have to start a new career field because there aren't any high quality hotels in northern Indiana. Its not a tourist destination. So my income would take a serious hit. The standard of living is lower there so I would still be able to afford a place to live and whatnot, however I wouldn't be able to pay as much in child support. I could still buy her things when she's with me though, so it could possibly balance out but I wouldn't be able to guarantee that happening. Not to mention that the job market isn't as good in the Midwest as in the Southeast. Not saying that the Southeast is all that great but it has the better potential of improvement in the near future in my opinion.
The fact is that I love my daughter more than anything in this world. I already missed out on the first two years of her life because I didn't take the inititive and I will not make that same mistake again. I'm definitely moving within the next two years so I can give her a better life and to have her in mine for the long haul. The question is only where...
Indiana or Miami?
What do you think?
I feel that since I have a job here in Delaware at Dover Downs (3 years in June), a semi-permanent residence in Dover (just completed a 15-month lease on my apartment with no problems and just signed into a second 15-month term), and with my family all here, that she should move to Delaware (or the surrounding area) so we can raise our little girl, if not together, but at least in a situation where I will have the opportunity to be involved in her life. At the time we were discussing this, around late November, she seems to be a supporter of this plan.
However, she doesn't feel the same way now that she's with her current boyfriend. So she doesn't want to leave Michigan, also because all of her family is up there as well. So now that were in an impasse, the ball is in my court and I see myself having two choices, (well a third would be to ignore that she and my daughter even exists and we ALL know that that's NEVER going to happen), so I have two choices to make if I want to be actively involved in Vaeh's life. And that choice is between living in Indiana (possibly the Fort Wayne area) and living in Miami.
Now I know what you might be thinking, "Ok Phil, how can you ACTIVELY be in your daughter's life if you move FURTHER away from her." Well I'll tell you how. Since Kim and I aren't together, and odds are never will be again, she will no doubt take me to court seeking child support payments from me. Now I wouldn't be surprised by this move, however as Nevaeh's father I would be in a position to gain joint custody rights. If I lived in Miami, I would seek to have custody of her during the summer, non-school months (June 1st to September 1st). That way I spend three months with her, can take her to the beach everyday...take her to Disney World a few times, things like that. Plus I could use my experience here at Dover Downs to get a good paying job down in Miami. Since there were so many high-quality hotels there and in Miami Beach, that way I would be also be able to afford to live there and also pay the child support payments so I would know that she is well taken care of. The downside to this is that I would be away from her nine months out of the year, I would also not be able to be there as much as I would like to be (holidays, school functions, family dinners).
If I lived in Indiana, I would only be two hours away from where her mother lives so I could get to see her as much as I would like to, and also could be there for those events. I would seek joint custody to have her every other weekend, and being close to where her mom lives, Kim wouldn't have to worry about Nevaeh being so far away from her and for long periods of time. The problem is that I would have to start a new career field because there aren't any high quality hotels in northern Indiana. Its not a tourist destination. So my income would take a serious hit. The standard of living is lower there so I would still be able to afford a place to live and whatnot, however I wouldn't be able to pay as much in child support. I could still buy her things when she's with me though, so it could possibly balance out but I wouldn't be able to guarantee that happening. Not to mention that the job market isn't as good in the Midwest as in the Southeast. Not saying that the Southeast is all that great but it has the better potential of improvement in the near future in my opinion.
The fact is that I love my daughter more than anything in this world. I already missed out on the first two years of her life because I didn't take the inititive and I will not make that same mistake again. I'm definitely moving within the next two years so I can give her a better life and to have her in mine for the long haul. The question is only where...
Indiana or Miami?
What do you think?
Friday, January 29, 2010
The Glory Days
I'm gonna be starting a weight-loss program on the 1st. The idea is for me to keep myself motivated by posting pictures and updates on my Facebook and Myspace pages for others to see and read. Hopefully the deliberate peer pressure will prevent me from losing interest in my workout regimen. So on February 1st, I will take pictures of myself without a shirt on (front and side view), and my current weight and measurements. I will take new pictures on the 1st of every month until I reach my stated goals, which are:
Weight: 160lbs
BMI: below 24
Fat: 2%
Chest: 38
Waist: 32
Biceps: 13"
Thighs: 20"
Wish me luck.
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/phillywild302
Myspace:
http://www.myspace.com/phillywild302
Weight: 160lbs
BMI: below 24
Fat: 2%
Chest: 38
Waist: 32
Biceps: 13"
Thighs: 20"
Wish me luck.
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/phillywild302
Myspace:
http://www.myspace.com/phillywild302
Monday, January 25, 2010
I'm not a biter, I'm a writer.
Well I just started up this blog mainly to give myself an avenue to express my feeling. Think of it as a journal...that I let the entire civilized world the opportunity to read. Many of my close personal friends have blogs that they use for all types of things; random thoughts, plans, goals, things of that nature. This one will follow along the same basic format, except I will attempt to be as open as possible about the things going on in my life. The title of my blog, "Miami State of Mind", is in reference to my ultimate goal in life, to one day (and one day in the near future I hope) reside and live comfortably in the city of Miami. It has always been my dream, it has always been my fantasy, it is what drives me. It is the reason why I wake up every morning, because of my belief that one day I will open my eyes at sunrise and look out the window and gaze upon the beauty that is South Florida. I had the opportunity to visit the area back in 2005 when I was still in high school for spring break. Took a week off from work, gave my friend Avis a lift to Georgia to see her then-boyfriend (now husband), and drove the rest of the way down there. I slept in my car for a week and I still enjoyed it, that's how much I love the city. Miami, Florida is a beautiful place. I have always want to live there and hopefully I'll make it there one day. My current goal is to live there in time for the Opening Day of the new Marlins stadium, (April 2012) but just like all good plans...they find a way to change. A lot has already changed from the last time I was there in 2005, I'm in debt up to my eyeballs, I'm a high school dropout with a GED, and I have a two year old daughter (whom I love with all my heart and soul) in Michigan whose mother will be taking me to court for child support within the next year.
But as the saying goes, "Things always get worse, before they start to get better."
But as the saying goes, "Things always get worse, before they start to get better."
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